Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
