he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
