U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
