So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
