what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
