I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
