When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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