after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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