I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my shit smells like andre
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
