Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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