This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize