Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
