OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
