oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
