You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
