you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
