Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
