I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
