it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
