Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
