I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
