That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize