tell your sister to shave her snatch
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize