I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
