My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
