I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
