He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize