Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
