so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
