If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
