let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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