I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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