i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
