i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
