4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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