this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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