so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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