I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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