Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
