Did you just see the Batmobile???
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
