We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
