The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
