I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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