I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
