He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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