in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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