do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
