Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
