i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
