The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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