I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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