Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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