we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Your dad touched me again.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize
