I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
