I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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