It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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