I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
