I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
