Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am puke
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
