I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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