He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
