when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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