I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My vagina is officially offended.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
