Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
