erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
