I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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