I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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