I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
either way he was missing a nipple.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
