He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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