What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
