im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
