those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
