her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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