some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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