I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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