Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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