I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i now understand why vodka
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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