Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He passed out mid-signature
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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