I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
