Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
