dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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