clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize