Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
