I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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