hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
