We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
