My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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