Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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