so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
