Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
