he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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