we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
