We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
