He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
