I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
