So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
