I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
