So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize