i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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