WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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