Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
