my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
