I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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