he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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