you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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