the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
