I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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