Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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