i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
