3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
