areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
