i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
