I can tuck mytits in my pants
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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