Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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