I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize