She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
