Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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