Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
