woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize