nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
